Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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