yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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