I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
