why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
