At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
