Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
