I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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