I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
