I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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