remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
