I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize