Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i barfeds in our rink
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
