Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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