Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
