I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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