we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If I die, sorry about rent.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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