She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
