I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
