This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize