once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
