it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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