so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
