She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
