I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
