it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
