Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
