Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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