you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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