my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
my shit smells like andre
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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