We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize