I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
