i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
