I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
