How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
