You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Randomize
