he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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