I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
