Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
