The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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