hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
