This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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