There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
