I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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