Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
