Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize