R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
We need to rekindle our bromance
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You need Xanax blowdarts
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
