need another drink. this is the easiest way
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize