Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
