im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
