My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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