I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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