Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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