I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
