the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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