I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
