just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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