dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
