There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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