who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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