The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
