9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize