3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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