Will you blow on my dice?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We got so high we made milksteak
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
