i was rollin on her like bob the builder
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
