You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
