There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
