I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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