I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
