I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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