So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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